The conversations in my life with my friends, colleagues and clients seems to end up talking about ‘lack of sleep’. Sleep is such an important repair process both physically and cognitively. I wonder whether Margaret Thatcher’s Alzheimer’s was accelerated by her only having 5 hours sleep a night, when it is recommended that we need 7 – 8 hours.

Research has shown that toxic plaques develop in the brain through sleep deprivation, and that this plaques also builds up around the heart valve that can lead to cardiovascular problems. Also simple issues like weight gain can be caused by not getting enough sleep because insulin is produced in the middle of the night to help digest food.

 Shift work has long been recognised to increase the likelihood of developing cancer because at night the hormone melatonin is released that suppresses tumor development and if you do not sleep during the night hours the body does not produce it.

There are many things that help you get a good nights sleep including spending time in natural light in the morning without sunglasses as the circadian rhythm is able to kick in making the body clock ready for sleep at night.

When I am trying to go to sleep  I say to myself “ if I was going to fall asleep how would my body feel ( heavy and relaxed, so what would that feel like now ) how would the bed feel, how would my pillow, what would it be like if I was able to really enjoy the sensations and expand this ” ? It does work most times as I find my body drifts off to peaceful slumber.

There are some areas that no matter what self relaxation techniques are used sleep is not possible, especially around hormone fluctuations. For many women going through peri-menopause and menopause, sleeplessness is part of the symptoms because of the progesterone fluctuations.

Many times I look at my beautiful sleeping cats and hope that my nights rest will be as easy as theirs seems to be, so wishing everyone a restful sleep tonight.

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The start of 2012 gives us all the opportunity to be look at our behaviour and our level of generosity. A workshop I attended years ago had an impact on me because it taught that being generous to others is essential to us being happy and was coined ‘Mitzvah Therapy’.

It is based on being helpful to others and that this inadvertently leads us down a path to become enriched and fulfilled ourselves. It also has the added benefit of  lowering anxiety and depression, as well as improving our over all happiness. I call this ‘being generous of spirit’, just doing things for others out of the goodness of our heart. Even marriages and relationships benefit from this approach with couples reporting they were five times more likely to say the marriage was “very happy”, because of high amounts of generosity.

There is research that believes that this altruism has a foundation in human evolution and is wired into our survival.

Perhaps it would be helpful to imagine the person we have decided to be generous to, is actually a close relative. I do know that the more ‘generous of spirit’ I have become the happier I am as a person. I am interested in other peoples experiences, so please let me know what priority ‘Mitzvah Therapy’ is going to play for you in 2012.

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As we near the end of 2011 I wonder how many of you made new years resolutions at the beginning of the year and have been able to sustain them ?

I recently read an interview by experts on procrastination, Joseph Ferrari, Ph.D., associate professor of psychology at De Paul University in Chicago, and Timothy Pychyl, Ph.D., associate professor of psychology at Carleton University in Ottawa, Canada.

They define procrastination as a lifestyle where an individual leaves everything to the last minute or deals with things after the due date eg. late tax returns & bills. Ferrari & Pychyl  define this as problem of self-regulation in response to authoritative parenting, where it is a way to try to rebel. As a by product they believe that the health of a procrastinators suffers with increase colds, flu and gastrointestinal issues as well as problems with alcohol and substance abuse.

Dr. Ferrari identifies three basic types of procrastinators:

• arousal types, or thrill-seekers, who wait to the last minute for the euphoric rush.
• avoiders who display fear of failure or success, and are overly concerned with what others think of them; they would rather have others think they lack effort than ability.
• decisional procrastinators, who cannot make a decision. They think by not making a decision that it absolves them of responsibility for the outcome of events.

My tips to assist to transform procrastination:

• Procrastination comes from a habit, so break this by doing the hardest things first.
• See things as a circle with a start and a completion.
• Break things up into small areas and just take on and complete, one small thing at a time e.g. clean up a cupboard first rather than pressure yourself to clean up the whole room.
• You can start by visualising yourself doing what you have been procrastinating about, and finding the task much easier than what you imagined.
• Mindfulness is very helpful in breaking patterns, because it helps a person to become aware of their self-sabotage and supports them in creating a new awareness around their behaviour.

It works best for me to do the hardest tasks first and then to give myself the reward, rather than the other way around.

I hope that you are able to leave behind in 2011 anything you no-longer need and embrace what ever you may need in 2012. Wishing everyone a wonderful, fulfilling, happy 2012 !

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I am a avid reader of author Alexander McCall Smith’s, he was a Bio-Ethicist and Professor of Legal Medicine. I have found his books not only light and easy to read but invaluable because they are laden with pearls of wisdom which are helpful in everyday life.

There are central themes that his characters grapple with and one issue is forgiveness. If we are able to forgive another we can move forward in our life and not become stuck in fear, anger and blame. Psychologist Bill O’Hanlan tells a lovely story of not staying in our fear focusing on walking through it, rather than allowing us to be overwhelmed. It is this process of walking through and looking at the bigger picture knowing that change is possible at any moment which becomes our choice to how we live our life.

Other areas that I have enjoyed in Alexander McCall Smith’s books is the importance of friendship because it is something to be valued and is an interracial part of how we can give to ourself and others. His characters take time to stop and listen and I really like this because I know in my experience taking time to listen to others stories has been invaluable.

Often we can forget how rejection and ostracism are so detrimental, this is because humans are pack animals and are wired to belong. Unfortunately when we are ortracised it can lead to depression and anxiety  so as we move closer to the end of the year and the festive season, it is nice to get together with family, friends and colleagues and celebrate. As the year draws to a close it is important to forgive others the hurt they may have caused us and if appropriate to forgive ourself.

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I often have female clients see me about orgasmic difficulties and thought I would pass on some of the understanding I have gleaned over the years. For women to have an orgasm requires them to relax and focus on the sensations of sensual energy as it builds up, rather than focusing on thoughts. If women have thoughts like “ is it going to happen this time ? ” “ Am I doing things right, is my parter enjoying themselves ? ” it is  be very difficult for her to connect to the sensations in her body. This is because thoughts intrude on body sensations and unfortunately stop sexual sensations as they build up. I have found hypnotherapy can be helpful by asking the woman to imagine what it would be like to trust her body and relaxing into the sensations. The breath is another important factor because taking deep breaths enhances sensation especially as the woman becomes aroused ( which can take about 20 minutes). When she reaches orgasm she will hold her breath for a few seconds and this enables the tingling sensations that have built up to stream through the body. In my book Self-sexual Healing I go through exercises including breathing techniques that I have found very beneficial in helping my clients. I have spoken to many women who have never had an orgasm until they used a vibrator, so this many be another option.

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