According to research affairs are 20-25% the cause of a relationship breakup and divorce, while 80% of the time the reason given is deterioration of intimacy. It is interesting how in the 1970’s more men (70%) than women (40%) had a affairs but now the numbers are about equal. This is because of the changing social structure of women’s roles in the work force and the expectation of an equal partnership.

The basis for any relationship conflict is poor communication skills, and tend to end due to high conflict in a 5 to 7 year period, or loss of connection and intimacy which occurs over a 10-12 years period.

I have watched in my private practice how stress plays such an important factor. When men get stressed the old fight and flight comes into play and the man needs space, while for the woman who becomes stressed she wants to bond and feel connected. Often it is learning about compromise and feeling that you can be ‘generous of spirit’, believing your partner is ‘doing the best they can’.

Saying positive comments 20 times to 1 negative, builds up trust and friendship. Understanding how your partner feel loved and doing or expressing it will show a difference in a short time.  The three areas that people feel loved are; saying loving and nice comments, doing things for your partner so they feel cared for or being loving and affectionate. Find things in your life together that you both enjoy and build on them, as well as prioritising spending time together. Often we forget to keep life simple, I believe if you go back to what initially attracted you and build on this it makes a difference to our general well-being and the quality of the relationship.

2 Comments »