I am a avid reader of author Alexander McCall Smith’s, he was a Bio-Ethicist and Professor of Legal Medicine. I have found his books not only light and easy to read but invaluable because they are laden with pearls of wisdom which are helpful in everyday life.

There are central themes that his characters grapple with and one issue is forgiveness. If we are able to forgive another we can move forward in our life and not become stuck in fear, anger and blame. Psychologist Bill O’Hanlan tells a lovely story of not staying in our fear focusing on walking through it, rather than allowing us to be overwhelmed. It is this process of walking through and looking at the bigger picture knowing that change is possible at any moment which becomes our choice to how we live our life.

Other areas that I have enjoyed in Alexander McCall Smith’s books is the importance of friendship because it is something to be valued and is an interracial part of how we can give to ourself and others. His characters take time to stop and listen and I really like this because I know in my experience taking time to listen to others stories has been invaluable.

Often we can forget how rejection and ostracism are so detrimental, this is because humans are pack animals and are wired to belong. Unfortunately when we are ortracised it can lead to depression and anxiety  so as we move closer to the end of the year and the festive season, it is nice to get together with family, friends and colleagues and celebrate. As the year draws to a close it is important to forgive others the hurt they may have caused us and if appropriate to forgive ourself.

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I often have female clients see me about orgasmic difficulties and thought I would pass on some of the understanding I have gleaned over the years. For women to have an orgasm requires them to relax and focus on the sensations of sensual energy as it builds up, rather than focusing on thoughts. If women have thoughts like “ is it going to happen this time ? ” “ Am I doing things right, is my parter enjoying themselves ? ” it is  be very difficult for her to connect to the sensations in her body. This is because thoughts intrude on body sensations and unfortunately stop sexual sensations as they build up. I have found hypnotherapy can be helpful by asking the woman to imagine what it would be like to trust her body and relaxing into the sensations. The breath is another important factor because taking deep breaths enhances sensation especially as the woman becomes aroused ( which can take about 20 minutes). When she reaches orgasm she will hold her breath for a few seconds and this enables the tingling sensations that have built up to stream through the body. In my book Self-sexual Healing I go through exercises including breathing techniques that I have found very beneficial in helping my clients. I have spoken to many women who have never had an orgasm until they used a vibrator, so this many be another option.

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