Articles
Creating Healthy Boundaries
Boundaries which have been taken away at an early age do not allow you to be able to define your own space. This manifests in not being able to say 'no' when you want to and feeling that you have to do conform to another's needs and desires and becomes reflected in our inability to set our own physical, emotional and sexual limits.
Tips to help you test your boundaries
How close do you like to be when you are speaking to someone you do not know?
How close can you physically be to someone you know well?
Is this affected by the age, gender or sexual preference of the person?
When you do not want to do something is it easy for you to express this?
How difficult is it for you to tell someone, verbally or nonverbally, where on your body or how you like to be touched?
Can you discuss your needs, desires and the sort of relationship you want with another?
Can you clearly express your interest in someone in a healthy way?
Can you communicate clearly, verbally and nonverbally, what you do and do not want?
There is no right or wrong answer to any of the above questions, they are simply a guide to help you be clear with your sexual boundaries. As you explore the exercises, tips and techniques in this book note if the answers to these questions change. Often change can be subtle. To expand your security around your physical and emotional boundaries it is essential to build up trust in yourself.
Exercise: Setting boundaries (1.2)
Time: One day
Setting: In a work or social setting with others
Music: Not applicable
Lighting: Natural
Props: None
Partner or friend: Not required
People who simple say 'yes' to situations they find themselves in often feel they have little control over their life and wonder why. Being conscious of these patterns will help you set new boundaries that will work for you.
This exercise will help you to notice in your normal work and social environments how you are able to say "yes" or "no" clearly and whether your behaviour manifest this. Before you say "yes" or "no" to someone else you need to connect with yourself and find out where your limits are. At the end of the day take time for reflection and see if there is anything different you would have done and why. Be aware of whether you said "yes" to things you did not want to do and the reason behind it. e.g. Did you allow someone to stand close to you in a way which made you feel uncomfortable? If so, think about why you did this and how you would like to assert yourself.