Articles
Creating Healthy Boundaries - Interview
Fleur Bishop of the Bush Sanctuary Healing and Counselling Centre, has trained in social work and counselling and specialises in sexual trauma and spiritual healing.
“The model I use to help adult survivors of child sexual assault, which affects them emotionally, physiologically and physically, first covers the issue of safety. I look at external safety and how it manifests in their life, with a partner, children, family, friends and in their living environment. Many women with histories of childhood abuse end up in relationships with a partner who is violent or has substance abuse problems.
“Safety covers practical ways to help yourself e.g. locks on doors, personal alarms, mobile phones, as well as assessing the areas they travel to at night. Building up networks are important, especially for women who are single or vulnerable. For example, when a single parent is attending a parent and teacher night at school, it would help them feel more secure if they feel they can go with a friend. When a woman is in a violent relationship, but not prepared to leave it, I work on how she can feel safer within the relationship. Can she start to predict when the violence is going to come? If so, during this time she could consider staying with family or friends.
“Teaching people to set boundaries is a large part of my work, helping my clients to explore where their boundaries lie, exploring this and learning to say ‘no’. Children who suck their thumb use it as a soothing behaviour, but children who come from abuse background often learn soothing activities which are not nurturing. As adults these can manifest in self-mutilation, such as cutting or burning themselves or developing substance abuse or eating disorders.
“Many people are great at nurturing others, but cannot nurture or look after themselves, yet developing good nurturing behaviour is essential. Something as simple as going for a walk when you feel distressed, having a hot bath, going to the beach, buying yourself something affordable - flowers, books or clothes, can all help. Many people do not know how to look after themselves when they feel low.
“Another part of my work is to explore a person’s belief system. I do this by getting them to imagine a circle, which I call the belief system, which contains your thoughts, behaviours and feelings. Surrounding this is the physical body. These interrelate because if the belief system is negative then the person is going to have predominantly negative feelings, thoughts and unhealthy behaviours. The physical body reflects this in headaches, gastro-intestinal problems, joint aches, eye strain, high blood pressure, heart problems and even cancer. I work with the belief system, which is driving them, and move them from feeling ‘I am not OK’ to a place of feeling ‘I am OK’.
“Your belief system can also be effected on a spiritual realm. If you were sexually assaulted as a child a set of beliefs can arise that ‘God is punishing me because I don’t deserve to be alive, I am not a good person’ which effects your own spiritual quest. For the person to sexually heal we have to be aware of how the energy of another person has effected them and they need to take back their physical and spiritual power.”
Article: Creating Healthy Boundaries
Interview: Fleur Bishop