Research has shown that toxic plaques develop in the brain through sleep deprivation, and that this plaques also builds up around the heart valve that can lead to cardiovascular problems. Also simple issues like weight gain can be caused by not getting enough sleep because insulin is produced in the middle of the night to help digest food.

 Shift work has long been recognised to increase the likelihood of developing cancer because at night the hormone melatonin is released that suppresses tumor development and if you do not sleep during the night hours the body does not produce it.

There are many things that help you get a good nights sleep including spending time in natural light in the morning without sunglasses as the circadian rhythm is able to kick in making the body clock ready for sleep at night.

When I am trying to go to sleep  I say to myself “ if I was going to fall asleep how would my body feel ( heavy and relaxed, so what would that feel like now ) how would the bed feel, how would my pillow, what would it be like if I was able to really enjoy the sensations and expand this ” ? It does work most times as I find my body drifts off to peaceful slumber.

There are some areas that no matter what self relaxation techniques are used sleep is not possible, especially around hormone fluctuations. For many women going through peri-menopause and menopause, sleeplessness is part of the symptoms because of the progesterone fluctuations.

Many times I look at my beautiful sleeping cats and hope that my nights rest will be as easy as theirs seems to be, so wishing everyone a restful sleep tonight.

It is based on being helpful to others and that this inadvertently leads us down a path to become enriched and fulfilled ourselves. It also has the added benefit of  lowering anxiety and depression, as well as improving our over all happiness. I call this ‘being generous of spirit’, just doing things for others out of the goodness of our heart. Even marriages and relationships benefit from this approach with couples reporting they were five times more likely to say the marriage was “very happy”, because of high amounts of generosity.

There is research that believes that this altruism has a foundation in human evolution and is wired into our survival.

Perhaps it would be helpful to imagine the person we have decided to be generous to, is actually a close relative. I do know that the more ‘generous of spirit’ I have become the happier I am as a person. I am interested in other peoples experiences, so please let me know what priority ‘Mitzvah Therapy’ is going to play for you in 2012.

I recently read an interview by experts on procrastination, Joseph Ferrari, Ph.D., associate professor of psychology at De Paul University in Chicago, and Timothy Pychyl, Ph.D., associate professor of psychology at Carleton University in Ottawa, Canada.

They define procrastination as a lifestyle where an individual leaves everything to the last minute or deals with things after the due date eg. late tax returns & bills. Ferrari & Pychyl  define this as problem of self-regulation in response to authoritative parenting, where it is a way to try to rebel. As a by product they believe that the health of a procrastinators suffers with increase colds, flu and gastrointestinal issues as well as problems with alcohol and substance abuse.

Dr. Ferrari identifies three basic types of procrastinators:

• arousal types, or thrill-seekers, who wait to the last minute for the euphoric rush.
• avoiders who display fear of failure or success, and are overly concerned with what others think of them; they would rather have others think they lack effort than ability.
• decisional procrastinators, who cannot make a decision. They think by not making a decision that it absolves them of responsibility for the outcome of events.

My tips to assist to transform procrastination:

• Procrastination comes from a habit, so break this by doing the hardest things first.
• See things as a circle with a start and a completion.
• Break things up into small areas and just take on and complete, one small thing at a time e.g. clean up a cupboard first rather than pressure yourself to clean up the whole room.
• You can start by visualising yourself doing what you have been procrastinating about, and finding the task much easier than what you imagined.
• Mindfulness is very helpful in breaking patterns, because it helps a person to become aware of their self-sabotage and supports them in creating a new awareness around their behaviour.

It works best for me to do the hardest tasks first and then to give myself the reward, rather than the other way around.

I hope that you are able to leave behind in 2011 anything you no-longer need and embrace what ever you may need in 2012. Wishing everyone a wonderful, fulfilling, happy 2012 !

There are central themes that his characters grapple with and one issue is forgiveness. If we are able to forgive another we can move forward in our life and not become stuck in fear, anger and blame. Psychologist Bill O’Hanlan tells a lovely story of not staying in our fear focusing on walking through it, rather than allowing us to be overwhelmed. It is this process of walking through and looking at the bigger picture knowing that change is possible at any moment which becomes our choice to how we live our life.

Other areas that I have enjoyed in Alexander McCall Smith’s books is the importance of friendship because it is something to be valued and is an interracial part of how we can give to ourself and others. His characters take time to stop and listen and I really like this because I know in my experience taking time to listen to others stories has been invaluable.

Often we can forget how rejection and ostracism are so detrimental, this is because humans are pack animals and are wired to belong. Unfortunately when we are ortracised it can lead to depression and anxiety  so as we move closer to the end of the year and the festive season, it is nice to get together with family, friends and colleagues and celebrate. As the year draws to a close it is important to forgive others the hurt they may have caused us and if appropriate to forgive ourself.

The basis for any relationship conflict is poor communication skills, and tend to end due to high conflict in a 5 to 7 year period, or loss of connection and intimacy which occurs over a 10-12 years period.

I have watched in my private practice how stress plays such an important factor. When men get stressed the old fight and flight comes into play and the man needs space, while for the woman who becomes stressed she wants to bond and feel connected. Often it is learning about compromise and feeling that you can be ‘generous of spirit’, believing your partner is ‘doing the best they can’.

Saying positive comments 20 times to 1 negative, builds up trust and friendship. Understanding how your partner feel loved and doing or expressing it will show a difference in a short time.  The three areas that people feel loved are; saying loving and nice comments, doing things for your partner so they feel cared for or being loving and affectionate. Find things in your life together that you both enjoy and build on them, as well as prioritising spending time together. Often we forget to keep life simple, I believe if you go back to what initially attracted you and build on this it makes a difference to our general well-being and the quality of the relationship.

On Love

Sex existed long before the idea of love but somewhere along the annals of history the two became entwined. Many humans then started selecting their partners based on this emotion.

We now know that pair bonding and sex for pleasure plays a fundamental role in the relationship between sex and love – as does raising children, but how and why we have sex and the way we reproduce has shifted. The emotion known as love has long confounded scholars, poets and we everyday people and continues to do so. But why is that?

Julia Zemiro investigates why we fall in love and what it is that sustains that emotion. Naturally science has poked its nose in as well, to try and understand how and why people fall in love. But is it really just all about neurotransmitters, dopamine, serotonin, vasopressin and other chemicals getting released at the right time? What about our heart and soul? Surely romance must have something to do with it or how do we explain the power of the sonnets of Shakespeare or the poetry of Yeats?

Love really can be a metaphysical experience and adding sex to the equation helps humans find an intimacy that will sustain a long-term relationship, but are we really wired for monogamy? Are we finding a way beyond the conventional monogamous relationships or does that green-eyed monster get in the way? Is it possible to have sex without love and vice versa? And where does love figure when it comes to arranged marriages? Or have we got it all wrong by placing too much importance on this crazy little thing called love?