I often see people who want change in their life, they have realised that the way they worry or emotionally cope no longer serves them. Sexually it might manifest in men having a porn addiction where they realising that their sex life has stopped being fulfilled and therefore want to change this pattern.

It is normal for men to be erotically stimulated by visual images but when it is reliance only on this a problem starts. This is because  fantasies are devoid of sensuality and partner connection. In other words masturbation can become so hard wired that it is difficult for the body to respond sensually. I have had male clients who have successfully changed this pattern over many months by using alternative behaviour to make themselves feel good. Focusing on physical activity (running, yoga, dancing) everyday and purposefully keeping away from fantasy images, this allows new patterns to form.

Women who find it difficult to have orgasms, may find that they are more concerned with their partner’s pleasure than their own. I have noticed that when they give themself  permission to relax, enjoy erotic sensations, and practice trusting their body a new responses to pleasure occurs.

It must be noted that ways of thinking and behaving have formed through certain neurological pathways.  Brain Neuroplasticity has helped me to understand these behaviour. Norman Doidge’s book The Brain That Changes Itself, is a compilation of current research establishing that to change behaviour it takes between 6 months to 2 years, where the activities need to be difficult to establish new neurological connections and therefore new behaviour. Neuroscientist Evan Gordon, believes deep breathing is the key to this change through the regulation of the autonomic nervous system. His app MyCalmBeat, and website www.mybrainsolutions.com is helpful in assisting brain and behavioral change.

So just wondering if readers have noticed that when there is an activity that they have really focused on over a period of months that change has occurred, I would be very interested to hear your experience.

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